Rock Hard Times: Why These Songs Suck (or Not)

Today In Rock History

April 25th . . . 1918 - Legendary jazz vocalist Ella Fitzgerald is born in Newport News, VA . . . 1923 - Blues guitarist Albert King is born . . . 1933 - Jerry Leiber is born in Baltimore. With Mike Stoller, he’s written witty rock hits like “Yakety Yak” and “Jailhouse Rock” . . . 1945 - Bjorn Ulvaeus of Abba is born in Gothenburg, Sweden . . . 1945 - Stu Cook (Creedence Clearwater Revival) is born this day . . . 1950 - Steve Ferrone, drummer with the Average White Band and Eric Clapton, is born in Brighton, England . . . 1956 - Elvis Presley reaches top of US chart with Heartbreak Hotel, his first No. 1 . . . 1961 - Elvis Presley makes his last stage appearance for nearly eight years at Bloch Arena in Hawaii . . . 1964 - The Beatles have an amazing 14 singles on the American chart . . . 1967 - The Beatles perform “All You Need Is Love” during a global satellite broadcast . . . 1974 - Jim Morrison’s widow, Pam, dies in Hollywood at the age of 27. Police suspect heroin use may have played a part in her death . . . 1977 - Elvis Presley makes his last-known recordings during a live concert at the Saginaw (Mich.) Civic Center . . . 1981 - Wings break up after Denny Laine leaves the band. Paul McCartney says he will carry on as a solo artist . . . 1987 - Crowded House had their biggest U.S. hit when “Don’t Dream It’s Over” peaked at #2; U2 replace Beastie Boys at top of US LP chart with The Joshua Tree . . . 1990 - The Fender Stratocaster on which Jimi Hendrix played “The Star-Spangled Banner” at Woodstock sells at a London auction for $295,000 . . . 1994 - The Eagles played the first of two shows where they recorded their ‘Hell Freezes Over’ album . . . 1994 - A judge sentences Beastie Boy Adam Horowitz to 200 hours’ community service after he beats up a TV cameraman during River Phoenix’s funeral . . . 1994 - A judge determines that Michael Bolton’s “Love Is a Wonderful Thing” sounds a little too similar to the Isley Brothers’ “Love Is a Wonderful Thing.” Ya think? . . . 1997 - Warren Haynes and Allen Woody quit the Allman Brothers Band to tend to their careers as Gov’t Mule . . . 1999 - Funk star Roger Troutman, 47, dies in a hospital in Dayton, Ohio, after being shot several times . . . 2000 - Eric Clapton is reunited on a TV stage in London with his former Derek & the Dominos keyboard player Bobby Whitlock, for their first performance together in 29 years . . . 2002 - Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, the effervescent, sometimes volatile rapping member of the Grammy-winning R&B trio TLC, is killed in a car crash in Honduras . . . 2003 - The late jazz great Nina Simone is laid to rest in Carry-Le-Rouet, France . . . 2004 - Piano man Billy Joel drives his car into a house in Long Island. Nobody is seriously injured. It’s his third car crash in two years . . . 2007 - American singer Bobby “Boris” Pickett died of leukemia at the age of 69. He scored the Halloween anthem ‘The Monster Mash’ in 1962 . . .

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Why These Songs Suck (or Not)

Fellas,

I recently read an article that named (according to Blender magazine) the 50 worst songs of all time. If you haven't read Blender - dont; just look at the pics of the hot chicks. Now I must admit, having to hear most of these songs again would rank right up there with hearing Fran Drescher sing the national anthem, but I'm not sure they hit the mark on every selection. Here is the top 10:

10
The Heart of Rock & Roll
Huey Lewis

9
Don't Worry, Be Happy

8
She Bangs
Ricky Martin

7
Party All the Time
Eddie Murphy
6
Breakfast At Tiffany's
Deep Blue Something

5
Ice Ice Baby
Vanilla Ice

4
Rollin' (Urban Assault Vehicle)
Limp Bizkit

3
Everybody Have Fun Tonight
Wang Chung

2
Achy Breaky Heart
Billy Ray Cyrus

1
We Built This City
Starship

Ok, my first gripe is putting Huey Lewis on the list. They even put The News on the list! Perhaps I'm too close to the "Back to the Future" generation, but when did Huey stop being cool? The dude wore a white t-shirt and jeans when every other rocker at the time was wearing eye shadow and tights. He even named one of his albums "Sports," and sports are cool.

The Eddie Murphy classic made the worst list?? All he wanted to do was party. All the time.

I also protest "Ice, Ice Baby." Technically, the music behind those Dylan-like lyrics is David Bowie. He was cool - I mean she was cool, right? Well, Ziggy was cool.

By the way - number 20 on the worst list was Toby Keith, "Brought to You Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" I think this says it all about the Al Quieda-friendly Blender magazine list. 'Ol Toby just wants to put his boot in terrorist's asses. My favorite part of that song is when the statue of liberty engages in violence against the evil-doers. I bet this is Bush's ringtone.

At any rate, check out the list and see if those judgmental pricks over at Blender named one of your faves. As a man who has seen more jr. high dances than the law should allow, I'd like to add that "Cha Cha Slide" song to the list. Any song that shouts out directions sucks. Unless its telling you what to do to your ho.

Weigh in fellas . . . .

5 comments:

EZApril 24, 2008 at 9:33 PM
My top 10 would include only achy breaky heart... you can't put eddie murphy on there!! he gave us "Boogie In Your Butt" for Christs sake... "i put a tin can..in your butt - - a little tiny man in your butt"

international harvester would be number 1 on my chart.. that has got to be not only the worst country song, it's damn near the worst song ever..

Muskrat Love is awful.. that song has killed people before and will kill people again...

The fucking michigan fight song would be on my list and so would notre dame's...

i'd fill the rest of the list up with rascal flats songs.. ez
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ShoeApril 24, 2008 at 10:07 PM
Didn't Limp Bizkit cover "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who? I seem to recall that song disgusting me greatly.

I really detest all the Rod Stewart covers that he's done over the years as well. He absolutely butchered Van Morrison's "Have I Told You Lately" in my opinion. Can you tell I'm not a big cover guy?
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DJApril 25, 2008 at 8:30 AM
EZ busting out "Boogie In your Butt!!" Bwaaaaahh-haaaa...!! I'm sure my guys pestered Shoe with that one back in the day. Awesome... "Ed-Dee Murphy...?! You duh fuck-you man aren't you? I know you Ed-Dee...! Fuck you...! Hah-Haaah!

I also agree Huey Lewis should not be on this list...dude paid his dues to get where he was. "Do you Believe in Love?" - good song right there by HL&TN.

My all-time most hated song would have to be "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. "Turn around, bright eyes," and watch me super-kick your ugly ass off the stage. You could't even slow dance to that song at a jr. high bop - this song always signaled "time for the makeout corner, bee-yatches."
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superveseyApril 25, 2008 at 11:01 PM
Well, looks like we'll have to scratch our Bonnie Tyler covers off the set list for Alley 21. Please tell me you guys don't hate Bette Midler too or we'll have to learn more songs.
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DJMay 1, 2008 at 9:01 AM
Also, the music behind "Ice, Ice Baby" is technically Queen...David Bowie just added some vocals
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