O.K., I know the title to my post sucks. I tried to think of something witty but it was to no avail. So, I just went straight to the point, which is my usual modus operandi anyway. Here's the deal though. Unlike most of the esteemed RHT contributors, I have been attending concerts since 1973. That's 35-years for you Highland County folk. My first show was Brownsville Station, with Redbone opening. Again, for you younger folk Brownsville Station did the original, and infinitely better, version of "Smokin' in the Boys Room," some 15-years before Motley Crue attempted a lame cover. Redbone is best remembered as a band of American Indians, dressed in full native regalia, who sang "Come and Get Your Love." Great show, but I digress. The main point of my post is that concert etiquette has changed tremendously over the years. Don't get me wrong, I'm a believer that almost anything goes, especially down front. But still . . . a list of my beefs:
- People who sing the words to every single song. Hey, I enjoy a good sing-a-long as much as the next guy, but when I go see Paul McCartney I don't want to hear some 55-year old wannabe groupie singing "Let It Be" louder than Sir Paul. Pick your spots people. These tickets were $274 bucks . . . each.
- Camera phones. For the love of God, put down the freaking phone. I've been behind guys that have videotaped the whole damn show. Are people really going home and watching the concert again on a 2" by 2" screen? (For the record, I just got out a ruler and measured my camera screen. Truth in journalism ya know.) Also, news flash for ya. For those of you who phone your buddy and yell "Listen to this! I'm at Neil's show right now!" then hold up your phone so he can hear? He can't. He can't hear a damn thing except a bunch of white noise. Stop it. Now.
- Losers who bitch about people standing up. You're at a concert, wackbag. People stand up. A lot. You know it's a good show when you stand the entire time, right? Are you with me, people?
- Simpletons who bitch about others passing a joint around. I actually saw a lady summon an usher at a Paul Westerberg show a couple years ago. It's Westerberg, damn it! One of the Replacements! Pot is practically a requirement for that crowd. Plus, there ain't nothing wrong with a contact buzz.
- Jackasses at General Admission shows who get there late and try and muscle their way up front. Advice - if there's an extremely attractive 50-ish 6"2" 210 pound bald guy in front of you, that's where your journey ends. He got there early for that spot and you ain't gettin' by.
- Ass Clowns who constantly text their friends during the show. What could they possibly be saying? You're insulting the band and those around you, plus the light from your phone screen is distracting as hell. Decease and desist.
- Morons who headbang or mosh to the wrong type of music. Buffett? Wrong crowd dude. I mean, "Fins" is a great song, but c'mon. Unless of course you're drinking tequila, then it's anything goes. Then again, I guess everyone drinks tequila at a Buffett show. Disregard.
- Dumbasses who automatically hate the opening band and rip them to shreds. Listen, I know you're here to see Nickelback but those boys up on the stage just might turn into somebody important down the road. Remember that Hendrix once opened for The Monkees. Ya never know . . .
- Freaks who pick up on a band only after they hit it big and scream constantly for one song. I went through this with R.E.M. I'd been going to their shows since 1984 and they finally hit it big around '91. You have no idea how disgusting it is to want to hear some of the old stuff like "Radio Free Europe" and the dolt beside you keeps screaming for "Shiny Happy People." There should be a quiz required before entering the venue. That or an IQ test.
Me: "Nice shirt."
Kid: "Thanks."
Me: "Pink Floyd, huh? Can you name three of their songs?"
Kid, squinting eyes, looking upward thoughtfully: "No."
Me: "Do you even know what that triangle and prism thingy on the shirt is?"
Kid: "No."
Me: "Go to the locker room and turn it inside out. When you know more about Pink Floyd I'll let you wear the shirt."
Gotta fight the good fight fellas. Remember - they gotta know at least three songs.
True story.
Great post Shoe. I feel your pain concerning the kids and the shirts. I had a kid wear a Nirvana t-shirt in the other day that was identical to the one I bought at the Hara Arena show back in '93. I'm gonna try the 3 song rule. Here's another good t-shirt rule. When kids wear Michigan shirts into my room, I ignore them the entire period. Acting as if they are not there really flips the track on those little pricks . . uh, I mean students.
ReplyDeleteThree song rule makes sense to me.
ReplyDeleteIf I see one more Ramones shirt, I'll go insane. At least get a Ramones shirt that isn't like the standard issue logo one.
I agree with the concert post, the Angels and Airwaves concert comes vividly to mind when I think of the annoying mom yelling through the whole concert for the "kids to stop shoving". She obviously had no idea what AVA is and that a "mosh pit" is acceptable in the front. Also the douche bags that arrived late and tried to push through me to get to the front. I had to turn around and have a little talk with the guy and his girlfriend and they ended up leaving and not bothering anymore.
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