Your Second Album Will Probably Ruin My Life.

Guys. Ok. Imagine this. You go out on a first date with a girl. She's beautiful, near perfect looks. She shows up to your place and notices your Springsteen poster(s....), and then tells you that yes! she too, loves Springsteen! and her favorite record is The Wild, The Innocent, And The E Street Shuffle! Her favorite member of The Clash is not Joe Strummer, but Mick Jones...which she proves by showing you the Big Audio Dynamite t-shirt that she is currently wearing. She knows that Lindsey Buckingham is actually a man (Ok, so this is my fantasy, but since I'm writing this, you'll have to get your own.), and can quote every line in High Fidelity (but she doesn't, as she knows this would be annoying. She just wants you to know that she could if she wanted to.)

After dinner, you offer a movie. Instead, she says: "Well, that would be cool, but why don't we buy some keyboards and have a jam session in which we play all of the songs that made Journey one of the most popular bands of the 80's instead?"

You go home after this date, and thank the Lord that such a woman exists.

On your second date, you notice that she's different. She's still decent looking, but has toned it down a notch. She changes her favorite Springsteen album to The Ghost of Tom Joad, and tells you that she thought that you meant the Mick Jones from Foreigner. Her sound is different, a little less awesome, a little more annoying. And while watching High Fidelity, she DOES quote every line, driving you insane. At the end of the night, she tells you that she actually has to get home to her children and 15 cats.

You go home after this date feeling cheated, wronged, and hurt. That's how I felt after hearing Bloc Party's last album.

I saw Bloc Party in Arizona in like 2005. They were new, people seemed to like them, and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I was under moved at first, as they dragged through the first 4 songs. Then (frontman) Kele Okereke meekly walks up to the mic and, in a fantastic English accent states: "Well, this next song is a f*****g banger", at which point he and his mates launched into Banquet. That was the point at which you would have had to lift my jaw from the ground. I had seen the future of rock and roll, and it's name was Bloc Party. When the album (Silent Alarm) was released, I bought a copy, wore it out, and took someone else's copy. I was convinced that they would be huge, and that this was the best new band and rock album since at least 2001 (it wasn't better than the first Strokes record...The Strokes also fit into where I'm going with this. Bear with me.), and I was hooked.

Then, a few years pass, I buy the stupid remix album, just because I wanted to still hold on to a little bit of Bloc Party until they released a proper second album. When the second album (Weekend In The City) came out, I called my friends in Arizona who were as blown away as I was by BP. But when I asked what they thought of the new album, the tone in their voices said it all. Dry, flat, unexcited "yeah...I heard the album. It's.....well, it's ok I guess..."

I knew the sophomore slump had struck again. I listened to the album, just to confirm what I had already known. Bloc Party couldn't avoid it.

Look, I know I may be a little hard on second albums, but think about it. How many sophomore albums do you just LOVE? In Utero doesn't count as a Sophomore album, Nirvana fans...but I didn't even like that album (despite the fact that Cobain opens the album with the line "Teenage angst has paid off well"...genius). It's gotten to the point where you can break it down into categories. There's a band like Cartel, who you're expecting a horrible second album from because they overachieved on their debut. Cartel did nothing new on their first album. Big voiced singer, catchy hooks, etc. But, while listening to their first album in 2006 with my friend John, he remarked: "These guys won't even be around next year"...and here we are. Cartel had no chance, and sure enough released a second album that was a joke. Then there's the bands who you know in the back of your mind just slipped up. They had a great debut, and then got ideas above their station. They still put out a respectable first single to get you excited for the second album, but then you quickly learn that the single is one of about 3 good songs on the album. Recent bands in this category are the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and The Killers. Sam's Town was pretty bad, yeah...but you get the feeling that the Killers will be OK. We all need to grow hilarious facial hair and rip off Springsteen vocals every now and then. The question of the latter is how will a band recover from their sophomore slump. Or CAN they recover. The Strokes used to be the (so-called) future of rock. But, after one of the best debut albums of all time, they put out a fair to below average second album, never recovered, and now they think they're the Velvet Underground. And remember when Taking Back Sunday was good? No? you don't?

The Sex Pistols, Boxcar Racer...those guys had it figured out. You make one good album, and then call it quits. Hell, the Pistols are in the Hall of Fame. Off of one album! (And a TON of influence, but that's not the point I'm making...). Imagine how great we would think Liz Phair was if all we had to remember her by was Exile in Guyville. She'd be like some kind of indie rock legend of Joni Mitchell proportions. Now she's just one step away from writing commercial jingles. Everyone should just make one album from here on out. That's it. I don't care if you've got more to express, you've got 16 tracks to hit your peak.

No, seriously. Bloc Party will probably be fine. Banquet is still one of the best songs of the past decade, and for every horrible 2nd album, there's a classic one (the aforementioned Wild, Innocent, and E Street Shuffle....), but I'll say this. The day when I form my super synth-pop band, you're only getting one album out of me. That's it. Then I'm going to disband the duo and become Bloc Party's producer. Someone's gotta right the ship.

Oh, and if anyone knows a woman as described in the first paragraph, let me know. We've got to look out for each other.