The Sole Purpose Of My Music Collection Is, And Always Will Be, To Impress Chicks.

"See, there's the bands that you say you like to sound smart, and there's the bands you say you like to get laid. And then there's the bands you really listen to." - Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz

Oh, so I see you've stumbled upon my vast collection of music? yes, I know it's hard to miss, but I wouldn't call it strategically placed exactly....what? then why is it all spread out on the only couch in my apartment? I don't know, why are you NOT spread out on the only couch in my apartment? Don't leave, I'm only joking. Why not take a look through it though....it'll only take a few minutes, and I mean, you're sure to be impressed. You'll notice that it's all killer, no filler. That's right, I DID quote Jerry Lee Lewis, and you'll find plenty of the Killer in that collection, but none of the mainstream crap though, only early Sun recordings. Yeah, I've got High School Confidential, and that's about it. After that, Jerry Lee pretty much sold out. Oh, you're not familiar with that title? well, not many people are. See, while you think that I'm using my robust collection of music to feel better about myself, I actually just have impeccable taste, and I also just so happen to like mainstream anything. And if an artist I like IS mainstream, then I like their non-mainstream albums. That's just how I roll, and...oh, I notice you're wearing a Dylan shirt. Yeah, Dylan's OK I guess. Highway 61? what? Blonde on what? don't offend me. The only Dylan album I will ever, and I mean EVER own is the great collection of music that is Knocked Out Loaded. What do you mean 'everyone hated that one'? it's because they are amateur music appreciaters! and how dare you say the 80's were a joke for Bob Dylan! Personally, I love the 11 minute version of Brownsville Girl....you don't, eh? well you must have an untrained ear. Umm, no. No Springsteen either. Sorry, but I don't do overblown arena rock, nope, not in my collection. What I DO have is the complete solo works of Little Steven. Look, there's one thing that I've learned in my time, sweetheart, and it's that as far as Jersey albums go, Men Without Women > Born To Run. I can't even stomach Springsteen, I can only listen to the first song on his first album. And after that, he's a sellout. Same goes for Pink Floyd, The Who, and Lennon. Oh please, I'm not a snob. Look, I'm not saying that all popular music is bad. I'm just saying that if anything has ever been on the radio in the history of radio, then I probably don't own it. Plus, I mean, it doesn't matter, because lately I've been listening to NOTHING but Radiohead. But not that OK Computer crap....I actually only like The Manic Hedgehog EP. Yeah, good, pure Radiohead. Before the English press attached their lips to Thom Yorke's ass and have refused to let up for the past 10 years. Pretentious? Pretentious my ass, you just can't tolerate my supreme taste in music. Wait, don't look at that book of CD's under the couch! Oh, well...I can explain. Bush? Yeah, I guess that Bush CD is mine. But, it has Glycerine on it! you think that song is a joke? yeah, well, it defined my youth, so you're saying my youth is a joke. Don't judge me...I don't like Bush, but sometimes I like to listen to Sixteen Stone and just pretend that it's a really, really bad Nirvana album. I'm sure Gavin Rossdale would want it that way anyway. Hmmm? what's that? Nelly? oh that Nelly album isn't mine. It's my little brother's! Oh, I did tell you that I was the youngest of 4? I know, I meant my little brother as in the charity big brothers big sisters way....he loves him some Nellyville...boy, is it Hot In Herrre or is it just me? Oh, you can't judge me for having Panic At The Disco...they're cool now! you didn't get the memo? Ryan Ross went all Sgt. Pepper's, and they're the new critical darlings of our time. Yes, I realize that that is Panic's first album, and I don't own the new one. You found my Springsteen. Look, now you listen and listen good. I LOVE the Boss. I've got his best works! Ok, so that really isn't his best work, and it's actually The Ghost of Tom Joad...but I DO have Born To Run, I swear....I just lost it somewhere...Hey, when did you become the music credibility police, anyway? You mean you don't like this stuff? you're lying to yourself. Ok, maybe we got off on the wrong foot. You just relax, beautiful, and I'll put on this Clay Aiken vinyl that I've been hiding from you. Wait, why are you laughing? and leaving? Ok, ok....Clay Aiken is a bad move, how about Kelly Clarkson? Don't leave! Just tell me which American Idol you love best! I have them all!!

Wait, is that your phone ringing? oh, my. Please do leave....and take your Cher ringtone with you. Er....avoid looking at the Cher poster hanging on my bathroom door on the way out though. Can I call you again?

(Wentz's quote does serve quite appropriate, as he and his cohorts have become the ULTIMATE closet band. I don't know any of my friends who openly admit to liking Fall Out Boy...other than their now-classic debut...but all of them listen to FOB non-stop behind closed doors. I saw the Fall Outs in Chicago in 2002..."before they were popular", in a small club with about 14 other people, and I was blown away. The person I saw them with shook her head as we walked out and stated 'you know, those kids are going to be incredibly huge one day, and everyone's going to hate them. And here we are.)