Big Game Depression & Death Magnetic

As I sit here pounding the purple Kool-aide thanks to this past weekend's football debacles (by the way if by chance you didn't catch the Buckeyes or Bengals games just have someone close by kick you in the groin and you'll instantly understand), I decided to find something that will totally take my mind away from my gridiron woes. Where to turn in this my time of sorrow, anger and angst? Perfect time for some Metallica. While I desperately want to crank up some "Ain't My Bitch" or "Master of Puppets" and mosh into my OSU 2003 national champion banner wearing my Carson Palmer jersey (all while heavily doused in gasoline and smoking a filterless Winston), I have decided to take a more serene approach - listen to heavy metal until blood gushes out my ears and the pain goes away. And, since we are about to crown a heavy metal king here at RHT why not post my first ever album review? One of the last albums I have ever listened to start to finish and I mean no pausing, skipping or even stopping was Metallica's S&M in which they worked with the San Franciso symphany to cover some of their all-time greatest tunes. However, while that album left me in slack-jawed awe, the last album, St. Anger, left me wanting to picket the Hillsboro K-Mart until they reversed their "no-refund" policy on open CD's. Seriously, that St. Anger thing really shook me - Is this really what Metallica has come to? Was Jason Newsted that good? Is this music really cool and I'm just too old to recognize it? Is Metallica to old to realize this music isn't cool? Who made the call to not let James Hetfield play guitar on that album? wth? Whatever, with Friday's release of Death Magnetic, I have to admit I approached the album with extreme caution (even with Rick Rubin's stamp of approval).

Put it in, turn it up, and tear off the knob.

After headbanging until I nearly separated a C7 vertebrae, alas I, and Metallica have found redemption. I came on board with Metallica during the And Justice for All era; I remember the "One" video as vividly as my wedding night. While I like the earlier Metallica stuff, I have to admit I have my limits. After about 12 tracks of Master of Puppets or Ride the Lightning, I feel like I've tried to induce myself into a seizure. Nothing rocks harder or faster, but you have to get your head right to take on that much metal. I'm more of a fan of what "true" Metallica fans called the "sell-out" period. I loved Load and Reload. Those tunes really magnified the greatness of Hetfield's vocals and Kirk Hamett's guitar leads. Yeah, Lars rocked too but he is such a douche bag I'll not mention it. This latest album kinda combines both worlds. You still get the marathon metal 7 minute song, but there is also some masterful lyrics and singable lyrics. Unforgiven III is really great although I'm gonna need help figuring out what it has to do with Unforgiven I and II. The End of the Line will probably get some radio time, which is rare of late for the ol' Metallicats.

Let's leave it at this, I may be drunk with animosity and reeling from the football frenzy, but I say this album rocks. For example, "crushing metal, ripping skulls, tossing body, mannequin, spilling blood, bleeding, mangle flesh, snapping spine, shatter face, spitting glass, split apart, spit, spit it out" from My Apocalypse - yeah, that hits the spot. After hearing that screamed into my ears at max volume I want to finish it off with a celebratory iPod spike. At this rate I may be listening to Nazi Death Speed Metal by the season's halfway point.

What did you guys think of the album? For now, I'm just gonna keep hoping tomorrow brings back my Welcome to the Jungle and Hang On Sloopy. Fade to black . . . .