So, I sat through another Grammy awards show last night, expecting the worst, but this one surprisingly had a unique vibe. I dunno, something different. Like things were about to be made right in the music business. But have they ever been "right"....? That is the question (cue Moody Blues "Late Lament" here). Anyhow, I sat down to watch with an eagerness I haven't had in a long, long time to see the dear old Grammys, and I'll admit - I wasn't hugely disappointed. I'm not going to give you the fanboy rundown of each award, but I will share some of my bemusement at the music business, colored with some of my daft humor. Aww...you've read so far, what's a little longer? Do you have laundry in the oven or something?* Nice tribute to The Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, to open the show. I'm glad they didn't give X-tina the task of memorizing "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" - she left that in Dallas (hi-YO!). Sidenote: How is Jennifer Hudson not more popular? Beautiful & man, can she sing.....
* Lady Gaga unveiled her new tune, "Born this Way." Madonna called, baby, and she wants her 80's hit "Express Yourself" back, with royalties & throw in the wig too, bitch. What a crock of shit. Gaga's about to hit that same slippery slope Brit & X-tina experienced a decade ago called "overexposure." Say "hi" to Taylor Swift on your way down...
* Esperanza Spalding won "Best New Artist" over Justin Bieber & Drake. LMAO. Q: Who the hell is Esperanza Spalding? A: The Bieber-nator, that's who. Nice game of keep-away here, Academy. Seriously though, who is Esperanza Spalding?
* Speaking of The Biebs, Usher humbly was on hand to accept credit for "discovering" the Canadian sensation. Just wanted to type the words "Canadian" and "sensation" in the same sentence for the first time ever...without the term "frost-bite" accompanying the latter. BTW - how the fuck did Will Smith's kid get invited to the party...?
* Elton John came out of the closet....AGAIN! No, not because he's gay, but because he was horrified to discover Cee Lo Green and his Muppet friends rummaging through the 1973 section. Also, how many more times do we as Americans need to humor Gwyneth Paltrow about her singing? So what if she gets pissed? As Cee Lo sayeth, "Fuck you-ooo-ooooo....."
* Miranda Lambert = a doll. Katy Perry = a pussy cat, "meowww." Rhianna = damn, girrrrl. WhoeverthatgirlswassingingwithBrunoMars = gorgeous. Mick Jagger = crypt keeper in training. Seriously, Mick....did you need to throw out there every Jimmy Fallon-stereotyping-mocking you move you got? Geesh...
* The Avett Brothers (yay!!) and The Avett Brothers wannabees (aka, Mumford & Sons) joined Bob Dylan for a rousing version of "Maggie's Farm." Man, I was so psyched to see this but, daggone-it Bob, the voice is about toast, man. Love ya, though....
* I'm not a big hip-hop fan, but I gotta give big ups to my homeys Eminem & Dr, Dre. Badass mofos, fo' sho'. My only request is that 2012 be the year of the anti-collaboration - how do they fit all that "featuring so & so" shit on the back of their CD covers?
* Arcade Fire - Album of the Year. Tres bien, Quebecers! Love those guys, and whew, do they wear me out watching them perform. So glad to see hard work and perseverance pay off. I take back what I said aboot Canada earlier (aboot, get it?). One thing though, how do you lose Alternative Album of the Year to The Black Keys, but win the whole she-bang? Just curious how that works...makes my brain achy.
* For a list of some of what you didn't see on TV - go here. Black Keys, Them Cooked Vultures, Iron Maiden, Jeff Beck, Buddy Guy, Neil Young - all winners. Never made it on "the big show," but with the Arcade Fire upset and takeover of the finale, plus The Avett Brothers performance, we're gettin' there....just next time let Cee Lo sing his own goddamn lyrics.
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