Grrrrrrrlllll Talk (Love Notes To My Favorite Female Artists, Albums, And Annoyances Post 1993 Era.)

"Cause it's a steady job, And it's the only thing that makes me money. And it gives me something to cry about, Cause my real life ain't f*****g funny"

You had a good run, Liz Phair. I'll even give you credit for putting me on to women in rock. It was 1994 when I first heard your debut, when it was blasting out of every girl's speaker through my sister's college dorm. I didn't understand until about 3 years later, but your mix of blunt lyrics, with really funny, poppy music is what I would be into for years to come. You came out of a Chicago music scene that takes no prisoners and released one of the best albums I've ever heard. And then, what happened, Liz? You let your own scene eat you alive. I get it, you don't want to be some indie rock wet dream, but at least stop somewhere between that and pop (dare I say it...) sellout. I'll always give you credit for owning it, though. Yeah, Whitechocolatespaceegg was an even worse album than Whip-Smart, but the track "S**tLoads Of Money"spelled out what you were after ("It's nice to be liked, but even better to be paid"), and you know what, you still top my list, because of that. You are one of few artists that can sell out and be brutally honest at the same time. I live in a world where only Exile In Guyville exists, and I'm ok with that. But, I'll still wait around for you to one day put some clothes back on and make a relevant album.

"In rock stardom there's an absolute economic upside to self-destruction."

Courtney, you went through a lot to prove to everyone that you went through hell and made it out alive. You'll always be known as simply Kurt Cobain's widow first, but that's because enough people don't listen to Live Through This. Yeah, Pretty On The Inside was a good enough record, but it wasn't open enough. No one felt it like they felt this one. And Live Through This? what a genius title, even you couldn't forsee that 2 days before the release date, your husband's body would be found, and 2 months later, your bassist would die of an overdose. You've earned it, Courtney. You've lived harder in 5 years than most people have in a lifetime. Whether Kurt helped on that album or not, it's still classic. It's still you, and everything you felt. And what of Celebrity Skin? you made the shift from angry, open grunge, to glam pop seamlessly, and the critics ate it up. Yeah, you get knocked by surrounding yourself with superior writers and musicians, to the point where it's said that no one knows how talented you, yourself are. But I don't buy that. I don't think that you're just some Corgan-Cobain coattail rider. You put out one solo album, America's Sweetheart, that was largely ignored, but that's ok, because I still loved it. And only one more month to go until Nobody's Daughter is released. I heard your cover of I'll Keep It With Mine, and it didn't do it for me, but I don't doubt that this album will rise to the top. Just like you always have. You're Patti Smith, Ella Fitzgerald, And Britney Spears all in one, and that's priceless.

"Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Ani, Ani, Ani. If you only knew how much loving your music has put on me. Every time I put in Little Plastic Castle, I have to remind all of my friends that yes, I do love your music, however, I am NOT a lesbian. But it's worth it...I love her, but you are the anti Liz Phair. You are what I wish Liz Phair would have become. You carried an emotional folk movement to the masses. Well, masses is a bit generous. But, you've got a cult following like no other. Take swipes if you will. Yeah, 99% of your fans are women. Possibly 50% of those are gay women, and critics will say that they are only into you because of your attractiveness. How unfair is that, Ani? Justin Timberlake doesn't get flak for the girls that latched on to him initially due to his looks, does he? You inspire. You're an icon. You've turned down countless major labels to continue recording on your righteous babe label. You let me down a little though, Ani, when I went to see you live in Columbus in 2002. I had never seen you before, and I was excited, and you seemed to spend the entire time spouting political views, and you only played 3 songs. It's not that I disagreed with you, but I wanted to see you perform all of my favorite songs. Maybe you just had a bad night, but I didn't listen to you for 2 years. Not until critics fell all over themselves for Knuckle Down, The album where you sang all of the vocals, played all of the instruments, and even acted as producer, and I gave in and swiped the album from my sister, and I fell in love with you all over again. You've got indie cred to spare. Steve Albini even loves you, and he doesn't love ANYONE (but himself)...especially not female artists. How did you do it, Ani? Staying true to what you believed? Releasing an album every single year for 15 years straight? Your lyrics cut through the fat of love, life, and war...even mixing all of them. Both Hands? That line, "I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall/and when we leave, the landlord will come and paint over it all"? That line combines so many feelings in one, and I spent a lot of time when I was writing figuring out how to write like you, how to feel like you feel. One more week until your new record, Ani, and I'm marking the days on the calendar. You could be Alanis, Lisa, Liz, or Sheryl. But, you opted to just stay Ani. And you are it for me.

"If you’re here ’cause you want to be entertained....Go away, please go away"

Corin, I love you. Period. Am I still a little bitter that you selfishly broke up Sleater-Kinney? yeah, I little. I mean, you say you can't do it anymore? you can't be one of the most influential artists of this era anymore? I know, you wanted a family, and wanting a family often doesn't go hand in hand with being the self proclaimed Queen of rock n' roll. You never got the credit you deserved. People look at Sleater Kinney and show love to Carrie's ferocious attitude, and Johnny Thunders guitar, and Janet's drumming. They say your voice isn't accessible. That no one can listen to that shrill for an entire album. That you're a product of being in a great band, but that you don't stand well on your own. But your lyrics, your voice, your playing? how can anyone knock a band who made as many flawless albums as you contributed to? You're more Joe Strummer than Joan Jett, and I always saw your direction. I've got every S-K album ever made, and I'll be waiting until you get back together. Because I know you will. I know you can't stay away forever. You're going to be a mother, and you're going to have that fulfill you for a while, but then you'll want your throne back. Washington will push you back in, like it always did. Olympia needs it's heroes, and the Pacific Northwest has lost so many already. At least give me a side project. Cadallaca, or Excuse 17? You're leaving a void in music that can't be replaced. Yeah, I heard the solo track. Mary Gets Paid By The Hour? I just can't endorse it. I know, I'm being a tough unfair critic, but I want you back in your purest form. So, take your time. But hurry up.

"Sometimes I think that I'm bigger Than the sound "

Lastly, you, Karen. You have to get it together. You're the future. You're all of these women rolled up into one. You front a band with more tenacity than any woman in recent years. You've kicked in the door to the boy's club, and stood tall. And you toe lines. Sexy, but not too much, scary, but still inviting. I absolutely worshipped your first album with Yeah Yeah Yeah's. Fever To Tell changed my time. It was like Exile In Guyville for my college years. Blunt lyrics, loud guitars, it was all there. And Maps? yeah, I know everyone loves that song...but it's only because it's so good, it's impossible to NOT like. And now, you're in Limbo. Show Your Bones tanked, big time. It wasn't so much that it was bad, it just didn't live up to it's promise, especially because Gold Lion was the best single to date, and critics balked, rolled their eyes, and dismissed you as a Souixse Souix wannabe who was falling short. You vanished for a few years, but then came the Is Is EP, and I knew it. I knew you had it in you. Your new album isn't due out until next year, but I know you'll come back strong. You're carrying the torch now, and you can't let me down, because I've already had one Liz Phair crisis in my life, and you can't be the next.

I wish I had time to expand this to women of the 60's, 70's, or 80's. I'm not forgetting about you Emmylou, Patti, Joni, Cyndi, Susanna, Melissa, Janis, Carly, Carole, Dusty, Linda, Or Chrissie. Just another time.