Oh, so hey, RHT. It's been a while. While I'd like to say that I've been having as much fun as this guy, it's actually not even close. You can tell that I haven't had as much fun as him because I used the already tired pop culture reference of Tiger Woods to gauge my fun in the first place. One of my friends may or may not have kissed a cocktail waitress this weekend....That's probably the level of fun I've been having. Not daring enough to sleep with the cocktail waitress that is life (they don't make enough protection, my friends.)...but I've got no issue making out with it. Here's the thing, though. 2009 in music....the end is already upon us. And I've had to write a bunch of cliche' pieces about the "best and worst", which I gripe about, but also look forward to. If it wasn't for lists, I probably wouldn't even care about music. So, in a 4 day span, I hope to take a look at 20 events, trends, and occurrences in popular music this year. The first 10? The 10 things that made pop music an extremely uncomfortable place to be this year. I'll save the best for last, and starting out on a negative note is always ripe for humor. Here's 10-6.10.) Lady GaGa: For the love of everything, I still don't get it. - So, alright, I'm usually not so brash as to cite myself. But remember this? You don't have to read all of that. Long story short, this is all Madonna's fault. BUT back then, I felt like, "Ok, well...this Lady Gaga thing is cute enough, and Just Dance, as far as pop songs go, is pretty well crafted...so I can live with it! yay for the torch passing!" Well, somewhere along that line, I feel as though Gaga took the torch from Madonna, along with all of Madonna's style, visuals, and everything she worked for, and then used the torch to light Madonna and her legacy on fire. Look, I've tried. I've listened to her records inside and out. I hear someone who has decent pop sensibility, a voice that they're not using to it's fullest potential, and someone that has likely been dumbed down by her record label. Granted I didn't grow up with Madonna, but this is swag jacking at it's finest. And it's so forced, that I honestly struggle to see how anyone can see it as otherwise. I'll give her cred where it's due, she's probably a touch of a better song crafter than Madonna, but she's about an 1/8 of the performer that Madonna was in her prime, and Janet Jackson, wardrobe malfunctions and all, would still smoke her. We're losing emphasis on the music, and when "Flat out weird as hell" gets mistaken for "creativity"....I struggle. I'm in the minority, which is why this is at 10, but I don't get it. I don't get the critical acclaim, I don't get the blind eye to misappropriation of past sounds, I don't get HER as the face of future solo female pop music. She's not "bad" for music either, which is why I can be a bit more relaxed in this opinion, but I don't see how she's doing good for advancing the state of pop.
9.) Kanye West: Come On, Bro. That Shit Was Ridiculous - I refuse to waste too much time on this thing, and I won't rehash it, and yeah, I got a kick out of all of the creative stuff to come out of this for like a month after it happened, but for me, a Kanye West fan, it just showed how out of touch he's become. I was sitting and listening to (2005 debut album) College Dropout in D.C. last week, and it made me sad to realize that he may never get back to that level again. Look, I'm not all for what happened to Taylor Swift. Her video sucked, I get it (sorry?....anyone offended? I would imagine not...), but if we're splitting hairs, Beyonce's video wouldn't even get my vote for video of the year, let alone one of the best of all time?? (Side note, I swear, Gaga just squeaked in. My #10 was going to be Beyonce wearing that dumb ass metal hand all year.), I'll take Ramona Falls' "I Say Fever" video over either of those, but that's besides the point. You have to choose your cross to die on, so to speak, and after the mixed love for 808's and Heartbreak, you get in the studio, shatter everything ever involving autotune, and put out the most focused effort of your career.
Or....OR. You show up to MTV's poor excuse for an awards show in what appears to be a button up trashbag, with Amber Rose in what appears to be disgusting, and hit the bottle with Pete Wentz pre show, so you can do something you'll regret tomorrow. Either of those plans would work.
8.) Tegan Quin : Still Not Into Guys. - Alright, look, I get it. This is selfish. I'm all in favor of her sexual preference. That said, Tegan Quin is awesome. I don't even care that she's pretty hot. She's also probably pretty cool, right? I man, how bummed is Sara? Sara's probably pretty awesome, but no one ever talks about her. The argument I'm making here is that me not dating Tegan Quin has really hurt pop music this year. Did I like (The Quin Twins' latest album) Sainthood? it was decent. The main critical weakness was the forced "thing" in which the twins decided to co-write songs together. Never a good idea. If I've got a band with my brothers, I don't want to write songs with them. Ever. I don't want to hang out and do anything musical. You have to cut a band a break at some point, and I get it, Tegan and Sara have had a bunch of really, really good albums. So, to have one that's just....decent, it doesn't always sit well (See also: Brand New) ESPECIALLY when you change the formula. You don't mess with the formula. I wanted Sainthood to be their crowning moment, but I suppose The Con will still have to do that for me.
If Tegan was dating me, this would have never happened.
7.) Blueprint 3 : Ummm. It Was Good. - Which, at the core doesn't SEEM like a problem. But it kind of was. Despite what the fanboys may say, and I border on Jay-Z fanboyism, it wasn't a home run. It was like a ground rule double, maybe, that brings in a few runs. Yeah, it's good, and it gets the job done, but you feel cheated out of a triple, or maybe even an inside the park HR, unless you're hitting to left in Fenway Park. Look, here's the thing. Jay-Z is going to have to stop. At some point, he is. He turned 40 last week, and he's going to soon be that dude that graduated years ago, still coming back to hit on the incoming group of freshmen. (If you haven't seen "Grind", shame on you.) And he has to end on a PERFECT album. Like, oh....wait...hey, remember that one time Jay-Z ended on a perfect album, like 5 years ago? Yeah, he's going to probably have to do that again. To be fair, the flaws on BP3 weren't TOTALLY Jay's fault. the production was plodding in spots (more on that later.), and while I think the guest spots were well chosen, a couple of songs, you were left thinking, 'well....couldn't he have just done this alone??', and the album didn't flow. American Gangster flowed. I mean REALLY flowed. And Jay-Z lives to mess with the formula, I get it, but he needed a game winner right here, and he didn't make it. He needs that Jordan vs. Russell moment to leave his hand up on the follow through, and bow out, finally. Or he's going to have a Jordan vs. Kobe moment, in which a new, young great passes him up. (Though I wouldn't count on that anytime soon, more on that as well.)
6.) The Grammys: Sucked Again. - I get what the Grammys are, at this point. Watching the Grammys is like watching 90's teen films. You pretty much take the really torn down, frumpy girl that time, and life has forgotten about, make her look really pretty, and shower her with awards, love, and accolades, while the cool kids and token black couple look on bitterly as they're passed over time and time again, and get literally no attention. And at the end, we all learn a valuable lesson from Freddie Prinze Jr.
Oh, and sometimes, this happens.
First off, I can no longer defend the fact that I thought that the above Jonas/Wonder performance simply wasn't that bad. Do I care that there's no way humanly possible that Nick Jonas was ACTUALLY playing his guitar? No. Here's the thing, the fact that to me, THIS was the highlight of the night tells you how much of a colossal clusterfuck the Grammys were. This year's torn down frumpy girl? Oh, that'd be Alison Krauss and Robert Plant. First off, Led Zep? Never won a Grammy. So, here's a concept that works. Let's link Plant up with Krauss and do a Bluegrass album. Look, I don't dislike the record. I think it's good, and I've got more than enough musical respect for T-Bone Burnett to get behind anything he does. But did I like that record more than Viva la Vida?? I mean, probably not. It's a lesser of two evils situation, as I could have done without Coldplay drooling over McCartney during their acceptance speech, as McCartney stared straight ahead with his "I'm going back to a time when I was in the Beatles" stare, but what the bigger problem with the Grammys is the inability to open themselves up. It's the lack of options, so we're left choosing between Plant and Krauss, Coldplay, Ne-Yo(??? WTF.), Lil' Wayne, and the obligatory critical pick of Radiohead for album of the year. What's the selection process for this, and I know Ne-Yo and Wayne are the tokens (there's usually one, but I did say "Token Black COUPLE" up there...), but you're telling me that The National's Boxer album isn't better than Ne-Yo's record? Neon Bible wasn't better than the Carter III? And I'm talking strictly quality and critical reception here. The Grammys are a machine, funded by a bigger industry machine, and until we get past that point, it'll be like the 2004 presidential election. A bunch of people just voting for the lesser of a handful of evils.
And Duffy didn't even win best new artist! What in the name of Wales?? I like Adele, and I'm happy she copped two awards, but Rockferry is a modern Classic!
(Tune back in tomorrow for reasons # 5-1 as to why there's no hope for the future of your children.
No, no, wait.....wrong article, I'm sorry. This one is about music.
Right?)
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